When I was home this summer, my mom gave me a little packet of seeds to bring back with me.  Zinnias.  She said they’re easy to grow and maintain, they last a season, and they yield pretty flowers.

So I was excited!  I decided to document the process.

Day 1: Seeds planted

Day 13: Up they come!

Day 25: Boom!

At this point, it was clear they were ready to move on.  Ush and I did plant them in the ground, but the next morning we found them nearly ravaged by (presumably) slugs, so I quickly moved them again to a safer place.

I also planted a few seeds in here and they sprung up fast:

I was ridiculously excited when the first flower started to pop…

And, for some strange reason, I hadn’t expected all of the other colours and shapes that followed!

I’ve enjoyed them and will definitely plant lots more next spring.

You guys, it’s almost laughable, but I feel GREAT today!

Yesterday’s so very low mood is such a distant memory, almost as if it didn’t even happen!! (cue Fleetwood Mac, “Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone!”)

After I wrote that post, the evening plodded along pretty much as usual.  Ush and I decided to forgo our usual Friday night takeaway and had leftover chilli instead (which was, by the way, the best chilli I’ve ever made.  I make it differently every single time, but this particular recipe is a keeper! The secret is using the canned kidney beans that come in a chili sauce. WOW so good!!  Thanks to my best work friend for that recommendation!)

Anyway – I did some laundry, cried again for no reason, we watched some TV, watched the dogs play with some of their new toys that I had bought earlier, played a new game on the DS that Ush bought, and eventually went to bed.

This morning, I had an appointment at 9:30 to get waxed, after which I planned to run some errands and make my once-maybe-twice-a-year visit to Starbucks.. Toffee nut latte for the win!!  It was very tasty, but not something I’d have any sort of desire to partake in regularly. Hence the once maybe twice a year.  The best drink I’ve ever had there is the cinnamon dolce latte, and if they don’t have that, then there’s very little point.  I like tea and I can make that at home.

ANYWAY.  All that said, I did all my errands this morning in an inexplicably great mood, complete with smiling at strangers and everything.  Bought a new dog bed because Sadie shredded yet another one (This is the 3rd time we’ve had to replace one because of that little butthead!  Still, at least she’s destroying HER stuff and not mine!)  Went to Sainsbury’s for some milk and decided I’d get something for Ush to cheer him up (his back has been acting up again, really bad this time.. he’s going to try to get a referral to see a neurologist.. Looks like surgery may be an option to look at now.)  The bakery section was mouth-watering this morning, so I got some sesame seed bagels and some salmon, cream cheese, and lemon.  And it worked – he was very pleased!

So I think I feel a new Saturday morning ritual coming on!!

And did I mention I’m in a great mood?  Because I really am!  The sun is shining very bright (brightly? Which is grammatically correct here?), the dogs are basking in it, Ush is playing FIFA 10, and I am going to curl up with a book.

In summary: Yesterday, everything sucked and would never ever get better.  Today, everything is great and I couldn’t ask for more!  Funny how that works, eh?

To all you men, be glad you’re men, ok?  And be patient with the women in your lives – they can’t help it.

<whisper>also known as day three of my period</whisper>

Thankfully things began alright this morning.  The hair was cooperating, it’s Friday which means I could wear jeans to work, and I had a cute new top to wear for the first time.  These are all good things – otherwise I might have completely fallen apart before I’d even gotten started.

I don’t think I’ve felt so NOT in control of my emotions since I was in high school.  That’s like 10 years ago, people.  When I was a teenager. Eww.

But that’s how it was today… I was not in control of my feelings, my reactions, my ability to deal.

I would have been furious if I hadn’t been so busy trying to feel nothing at all… because if I let myself feel something, anything, I’d start to tear up.

And if I couldn’t stop the eyes welling up, I’d have to slink off to the bathroom to regroup.  I’d done that three times before noon.

My favourite work friend (who works in a far away part of the office, so it’s not his fault he didn’t notice sooner) caught on around 12:15 and asked if I was ok.

And, obviously, someone showing concern was another on the list of many things that made me well up.  So I tried to honestly and quickly to assuage his concerns and shut him up.

When lunchtime rolled around, I walked down the road to the pet store to buy some treats and toys for the pups.  This made me feel a teeny bit better, because I knew it’d make them really happy.  I went to the grocery store and decided I would not hold back:  I bought comfort food.  A sausage/bacon sandwich.  A bag of crisps.  A brownie.  I went back to the office and ate it all.  This made me feel much more noticeably better. (Ah, the magic of fat, salt, and sugar.)

The afternoon was much easier to get through than the morning.  Still, though, on the tube ride home with aforementioned buddy, I was feeling shattered. Weary from holding it in all day.

I stepped off the train, up the stairs, across the bridge, down the stairs on the other side, and across the dark parking lot towards the road leading up to the house.   And then I cried.  I got to the house and I was still crying.  Dogs jumping and crawling over each other to try to be closer to me.  Still crying but then laughing a little bit too.

And now I feel better.

Regardless, I’m glad today is almost over!

Over the summer, when I was anticipating going to see Fleetwood Mac with my mom in Milwaukee, I wasn’t exactly composed or eloquent about it.  I really just can’t help myself!  Something about Her Most Fabulousness Miss Stephanie Nicks just makes me go all floopy.  (It could be a word.)

I felt the same way anticipating my second Fleetwood Mac show, this time here in London, but found myself feeling the need to reign it in a bit more… It’s one thing making a fool of yourself in front of your mom – who once gave birth to you, diapered your poopy butt, watched the worst of your tantrums, etc etc etc and still loves you anyway.  It’s a whole ‘nother matter doing so in front of your husband, a colleague, and colleague’s wife who you have only just met!

After that first show, I posted a pretty comprehensive review of what was one of the best nights I’ve had in my 27-holy-crap-almost-28 years!

And I have to say, this time around was much the same!!!  Despite a few twats in the row behind us, The Mac most certainly did not disappoint!!!

The Evening Standard published a really great review and I generally agree wholeheartedly with Mr David Smyth, except that I’d give it 5 stars instead of just 4!

“How heartwarming it is when a band of a certain vintage recognises that another new album would be about as welcome as rheumatism and heads out to play everyone’s favourite songs with no ulterior motive.

“This time we said: ‘Let’s just go out and have fun,’” claimed guitarist Lindsey Buckingham as Fleetwood Mac’s Unleashed tour arrived in London for the first of three arena shows. There have been rumours of a new album and even of Sheryl Crow taking the place of the long-departed Christine McVie but perhaps they got bored waiting for inspiration and decided to remind themselves of their many finest moments.

With a set drawn largely from the classic Seventies album trilogy of Fleetwood Mac, Rumours and Tusk, there could be few complaints about song choices. Other bases were briefly covered with a solo composition each for Buckingham and co-vocalist Stevie Nicks, a nod to the band’s early hard-blues incarnation with Peter Green’s stormy Oh Well and even a gibbering Mick Fleetwood drum solo.

But the music that dominated was that written by Buckingham and Nicks when they were in the middle of an agonising relationship break-up. Dreams, Second Hand News and Go Your Own Way all summoned glorious melodies from a painful place.

Here the ex-couple arrived on stage arm in arm and embraced after Nicks had finished her ballad Sara. In his sixties, Buckingham has become more of a rock singer than he was, often barking his lines and offering a finger-bruising solo interpretation of Big Love.

Nicks remained instantly recognisable in floaty outfits that were only missing a maypole. In black here, if she had appeared on your doorstep this weekend you would have handed over all your sweets quick for fear of being egged. That reedy voice, though, remains a thing of witchcraft.

With Rumours still high on the list of the biggest-selling albums ever, the band can’t be journeying the globe again just for the money.

Furious drawn-out versions of Gold Dust Woman and World Turning demonstrated an undimmed passion for playing and suggested a simple truth: they still love these songs as much as the rest of us.”

Saturday night was their second of three London shows, and I’m just so SO glad that I went!

Our seats were right next to the stage, which was a bit odd, as we were mostly watching their profiles..  But it was all the more thrilling when they turned towards us, because we were also in the centre of the fourth row, only just above their eye level, and you guys, I’m not even kidding…. Stevie walked towards our section, arms raised and waving, and I swear she was looking at me and smiling!!!

I love Smyth’s line: ” That reedy voice, though, remains a thing of witchcraft.”  It’s true, you know… she is MAGIC!!!

Apparently some guys at work are thinking about participating in Movember.

This grossed me out a bit, but I figured it was okay since most of them are in different parts of the office, so I wouldn’t regularly be faced with it.

(Don’t get me wrong – it’s a good cause and all.  But, with a few exceptions, I’m really not a fan of facial hair on anyone except my dad.)

I mentioned their plan to Ush, and he told me they may be doing it at his office too!!  Except with higher stakes – those men who don’t participate have to buy Nandos for the rest of them!!  He added that he was planning to grow a fu manchu.

Me:  “Oh Ushwin… Please, no!”

Him:  “Honey, I have to!  I don’t want to buy Nandos for 80 people!”

Me:  “Ok.. so you don’t want to have sex in November then?”

Ush:  *shocked and horrified silence*

Haha!  Now we wait.. I’ll personally write the cheque to whatever men’s health charity he wants, just please don’t grow a mo!!!

This week is flying by!  What the crap?!  Not that I’m complaining, but tomorrow is already Friday?!  What did I even do this week???  I’m not entirely sure, but I do know it’s been building up towards one thing and one thing only… First things first:

- – -

Last weekend Ush and I did a whole lot of nothing.  Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever spent two whole days doing so very little when I wasn’t sick or otherwise infirmed. It was great!

(Ush had had a really stressful week and needed the rest, and I was happy to accompany him.)  Clocks went back and we took full advantage of that extra hour of sleep by, well, sleeping!

- – -

After work on Monday, feeling re-energised, we had date night.  We went for a super tasty dinner at a French cafe (I had a sausage baguette with better-than-McDonalds fries and raspberry creme brulee for dessert) and then went to see “Up” in 3D!  It was pretty fantastic – the food AND the film!

I just have to say, I love the area where we live and I love that we don’t need a car to get around.  It’s only a 15-20 minute walk to the cinema – how cool is that?!  I think it’s pretty cool.

- – -

Tuesday and Wednesday are pretty much a blur.  I remember not being very busy at work on Tuesday.  I invented a new pasta dish that turned out gross – FAIL.  And then Wednesday I was completely and totally swamped at work – overwhelmed at times, patience wearing thin at others.   I stopped at the grocery store before heading home, bought the first bottle of chilled rosé that I could find, and poured a glass straight away when I got back to the house.  I later realised that I probably should’ve eaten dinner first, drank wine second.  Because I spent the next 2 hours giggling at stuff that probably wasn’t actually funny.  But whatev, I was no longer stressed, so mission accomplished!  And the dinner I cooked was excellent – WIN!

- – -

Today was my two-year-working-at-RA-iversary!  I told this to my boss this morning and added, “…also known as the best two years of your professional life!”  He had to agree

I still remember the day I went for my first interview.. Everyone came in wearing pink.

And now, two years on, it is once again Breast Cancer Awareness day tomorrow.  We put in £1 to wear pink and have to donate £2 if we don’t!  I’ve got my pink v-neck sweater all set to go, but I’ll probably throw in an extra pound or two anyway.

- – -

And you guys?  I’m going to see Fleetwood Mac on Saturday!!! Squuuueeeeeeeeee!

I’m pretty relieved not to have to do the whole figuring out a costume thing..  But I am disappointed to be missing my good buddy’s birthday pub crawl.

Still though… FLEETWOOD MAC!!!  I think I’ll get over it

My hair is really long right now, and it’s starting to become a nuisance.

Well, not really starting, because it has been longer-than-its-ever-been for some time now, which is very new for me.  And generally I love it, because I’ve managed to keep it pretty healthy and it looks nice when I take the time to style it, which happens more often than not.  I’m becoming increasingly aware that I need to enjoy it while it lasts.  But, all that means it’s also high maintenance hair.  For me anyway.

Normally I don’t mind putting forth the required effort to get the desired effect.  But, like I said, it’s getting tiresome.

I’ve been planning to wait til January-ish before I cut it so that I’ll have as much length as possible leftover after losing 10inches, but I’m kind of cranky this evening… I’m in one of those “Screw the diet, I’m gonna EAT this whole tub of Haagen-Daz” moods.  Only in these circumstances it’s more like, “Screw it, I’ll just cut my hair now” while giving the bird to whatever invisible offender is currently pissing me off.  That’ll show YOU!

I suspect that this invisible a-hole is little more than PMS.  So if I cut my hair just to say “Eff you, you bastard-y hormones!”  then that would actually be counterproductive, because in my hormone-ridden state, the shock of losing 10inches of hair would be even worse than it would be in a state of hormonal equilibrium and I’d probably spend a week crying.  So I’ll obviously stick with the original decision to wait.  But regardless, I’d like to start planning now.

I was scrolling through mopshots the other night looking for potential new AFTER hairstyles (and also wondering whether I can get myself on Hair Thursday to get some tips from the Goddess of Hair and her followers. Worth a try! I’ll submit a few BEFORE pictures and see if she indulges me!)…

I know I’ll probably end up with some sort of bob (ideally more of a ‘lob’ – long bob), but I’m not sure what kind exactly and I’m also considering blunt bangs.

I like the classic bob-ness of this one (Straight Bob 1) and this one (Straight Bob 2), but I don’t really love stick straight hair on myself and when I straighten it, it ends up waving a bit anyway.. so I’ll probably end up styling it similar to that one (Wavy Bob 1) or that one (Wavy Bob 2).

Anyway.  Enough vain self-absorption for one day!

Ush:  [making some comment about how he's a useless twat]

Steph:  Aw, honey, [*cheeky pause for emphasis on upcoming punchline*] you’re not useless!

Ush, acknowledging and appreciating the joke:  But I am a twat?!

Steph, ignoring the question:  Don’t you love how British I am?!  I regularly insult the ones I love!

–

It’s true, you know, that’s how it’s done.

I remember the first time I saw Love Actually, when Liam Neeson’s character had recently lost his wife and began to cry, and his friend, Emma Thompson’s character, put her hand on his shoulder and said (something to the effect of), “Hey… no one’s going to want to shag you if you’re crying all the time.”  And I was kind of shocked by that!  How cruel!  What an uncaring friend!  Now is NOT the time for jokes like that!

But that’s how they do it!  They’re there for you, they listen, and then they mock.    And it’s all done out of love.

After all, I’ve been squee!-ing since before they were even born…

I started squee!-ing for New Kids on the Block and later graduated to *NSync.   I did quite a bit of squee!-ing over various celebrity AND non-celebrity crushes over the years, and definitely squee!-ed lots over the Harry Potter series.   Heck, I still squee! every time Stevie Nicks comes up on my mp3 player!

It’s no secret, I’m normally pretty vocal about the stuff that makes my heart beat a little faster and my smile stretch a little wider.  Why hide it?!

And what’s got me SQUEE!-ing today?  This:

A girl from work is going to go with me and I’m so glad because otherwise I might have gone alone!!  Squeeeee!!!!! 

I received my first email from Ush on 19 October 2004 and wrote this about a week later on my then-blog:

Random: I have a London friend! Via myspace, I’ve been emailing back and forth with this guy just about every day, and it’s so fun! He’s hilarious.. Makes me happy. He’s NOT one of those “oh baby, you so fine” shmoozers, which is a lovely change of scenery on myspace.  His band, which just split up after quite a few years, has played with Sum 41 and the Lost Prophets, just to name a couple. They had quite a following in the UK, apparently.  (PS – Amber, I asked him his full name.. it’s “Ushwin” )

Amber had come down to Illinois for a visit that weekend and giggled with me as we looked up Mumcuss and scoured their site for pictures of him.  I remember we found a poorly focused one that didn’t show him as the hottie that he so clearly is, and we were a bit.. concerned.

One year later, I’d been living in London for over a month and was loving it all.

And the year after that – on 20 October 2006, exactly two years plus one day after that first email – we were married! I still think this is a pretty perfect summary of the day:

Yayyyyyy!!! We’re married!!!

Our day was PERFECT. Perfect from start to finish in proverbial shiny, sparkly letters and a pretty font.  I’m working on a rundown of the pre, during, and post wedding events to share with you later, but for now here’s a quick one:

I had a wonderful time with friends and bridesmaids the night before; my family arrived safely and on time; the weather was ideal (which was worry #1); I was relaxed and excited; my groom wasn’t bricking it like he thought he’d be; I felt beautiful in my dress, hair (worry #2), and makeup.  The ceremony evoked tears in nearly every attendee (even the registrars said it was the best wedding they’d done all year); the pre-reception dinner was lovely; and the reception was an absolute blast and a half: speeches were hilarious and touching, dancing was insanely fun, food/drink was great, our friends are amazing.  Wedding night hotel was incredibly lush. The next day was family day with a bus tour around the city, lots of laughing, Thai takeout, and an amazing double rainbow.  Ush and Alex are really excited about being brothers

I’m so wonderfully blessed.

And now, 5 years later and 3 years later respectively, here we are!

We spent our first two wedding anniversaries on long weekends down in Seaford, but unfortunately it was not possible this year because of work and other such hoo-ha.

No matter! This year, we celebrated by going out to dinner and to the theatre to see ‘Wicked’, which really was, I have to say, wicked!!

I love you, Ushwin Pai… No one else has ever evoked from me such a broad spectrum of the things of life – passion and rage, fear and security, love and hate, contentment and pure bliss.  I just think you’re amazing.  And I look forward to another year of surprising you with random cups of tea